How to deal with your anger

I can't believe you've just done that I can't believe that that's crazy [Music] I was gonna say good morning San Diego so welcome back to don't be a doorstop so we are here this fine Tuesday afternoon or you might be listening to us on a Wednesday because that's when we publish um yes so what we're going to do is we're changing the system Order 66 is in play I'm glad that actually memorized that from last week um so what we're going to look at doing.

Taking last week's pod maybe doing a bit of a summary or something that stood out and then how we've implemented it in our week uh or not because we can be honest with ourselves um and then two other topics one that Dan brings to the table and then what I bring to the table so hopefully we will break it up into three segments um share them on different platforms but also have the segment all together um so if we've got long format medium.

So so what we're going to do this week what we're reviewing so we're reviewing last week so I guess today is episode 27 so we're reviewing 26 so as you notice we've probably changed the thumbnail so it looks like Dan's pulling off leaves off his fingers because we were talking about trimming and it's not trimming your bush but it's trimming your schedule um there's another part for another day most of the things are here for trimming applications we've all heard that.

Preferred words that you like to do um obviously the animal lovers probably won't like the putting the down element or human lovers depending on who you're talking about um so sun setting projects that might be on your mind or just putting a pause to them so stuff that might not be working um so that's basically what we did we've got a lot of projects in-house Outhouse that we're trying to continue our impact and try not to water down our quality.

Really good learning curve and process but we we learned that how we wanted to create it was more automated than it actually was and it was it was heavily data inputted we did have a helpful volunteer but equally we wanted to make sure that we're doing the 80 20 rule so putting 20 of effort getting 80 results rather than the other way around of putting eight percent effort and only getting 20 results in that regards so we were.

We at its best so we ran like um Facebook ads a pound a day targeting people that have Facebook set in Welsh which were really really effective which basically meant there are um pay-per-click was like six pence um so that's a really good Niche if you want to advertise something Welsh um get it into Facebook because you can Target based on Facebook being set in Welsh um at its best that was delivering kind of like roughly I think two to three.

More successful um so it was good to have a discussion about sunsetting that for me I think um I've reflected on even my own capacity um because we're working on Insider which is our the home of unreleased music which is a music app um a music streaming platform for music artists to make more money from their unreally stuff because right now your unreleased music is sitting on a shelf collecting dust um and it might be collecting dust because one you've not had the resources.

App to put in more features and more stability and um so in us saying no to jobbing um or kind of sun setting that I can carry on focusing all my development effort on this project or this startup as it were and the second thing that I've been doing this week is um I'm mindful of quotes that we've given out to to people for uh to do websites and I've realized that I don't have capacity to do those websites.

From University um does websites um up in Manchester so I was like I'm really sorry we're gonna have to do this because of capacity issues but an alternative could be speaking to this person and actually that has even though there was disappointment that has turned out to be that the person that I recommended might end up working and working out for them which is great and I felt um kind of a little bit of a prompt this week to.

Disappointed with you but um the grand scheme of things it's more important for my stability and kind of uh mindset and focus to be focused on one thing so I um I basically was like yeah although I recognize I'm going to disappoint somebody it's it's better to disappoint rather than say yes say yes you say yes and do both things and basically I'm the one that loses out because I stretch myself Beyond um what I'm capable of of doing.

Yeah for sure because we don't want to be all talk so we want to show you that we are doing it and are having difficult conversations and refining things um and I think um uh chat yeah chat gbt AI is so useful uh you writing an awkward email but then it fluffing it out and making it sound a really nice put down um I'd highly recommend it for those who yeah if you have a English if you have.

Awkward situations and it's okay to get into those awkward situations because you know why you're doing it I know why I'm doing this because I'm trying to focus more and more my time and effort and my energy um into this one um startup product that's that's got lags that's got um potential and I really want to further that potential um so yeah it can become a hard situation but I think it's well worth doing it so so how are you going to.

Not a bad loser I'm not a sore loser and I wanted to figure out whether or not kind of trying harder putting more effort could that lead to disappointment that ultimately that I don't like and that's why I don't try harder because I don't like the disappointment and it's personal disappointment with myself um in this particular case because it's a one-on-one sport so I played my first League game and one which was against my buddy Jack and then I played my second.

To yesterday Jack messaged me to say he's played the game with them with the same guy that I played last week and won and instantly I was like ah gutted because I want to compete well and of course there is a bit of like competitive nature between me and Jack so I was initially gutted then I text him to be like awesome well done like that's really good because his love language was one of his local languages his encouragement affirmation so I was.

Wrong I actually lost which then I was like oh awesome that feels like I've now won so Jack has lost one one one initially so I'm we're equal but he's beaten me on points and then instantly he says oh actually I'm joking it was actually the other way around I then was like oh awesome it feels like now I've won a game even though I've not played the game so I thought it was funny how I've gone from oh like uh.

We're both very good we're both quite equal um I don't want him to get away so there's a competitive nature that came out which is interesting and that made me focus on right I need to take seriously these next three games to make sure I win them yeah and then the second part of like as soon as he said oh he made a mistake he was joking I want myself laughing not literally figuratively speaking because I thought it was funny that he did that and then.

Don't feel so passionate about it so I thought that was incredibly funny of the flip-flop of competitive versus not and the fascination that I literally had not played a game and because he said oh actually he lost against the same guy that I lost against that it felt like oh great I feel like I've won now so the um yeah the Whirlwind of emotions around like trying harder disappointment or kind of like Focus on right I need to.

I thought you get your thoughts on I thought you're going to do that classic chat of obviously pre him telling you he lost again but if he won to be like ah it's because I tied him out because that's a classic one of being like I took all the punches you just got The Knockout yeah I gave him the strategy to win that's why I was like well he did this yeah and it reminds me of that I'm.

Examine this competitive mindset because I'm I'm not I'm not the sporty one so it's interesting to kind of like go into that which is probably new it might be new for people listening it might not be it might be like well of course you to feel those things because I play football every quarter I play hockey every week or I go swimming every girl or whatever it is you know do competitive stuff but yeah what's your what's your thoughts on on how you would.

Here like you want to be promoted so basically going for two spots and if your mate has won basically you're like okay I need to take the other position exactly right we need to rise to like ride together as it were bad boys for Life types but to be fair I think a new sport A new challenge I know you've done squash for years but not on like a a competitive level more socially you say years I've done it like you know six.

New sport now obviously I'll be absolutely livid if I was a kid like with hockey I used to destroy my weekend if I lost um obviously I wouldn't show outside because you still want to have a good time and enjoy your weekend but I think internally you'll be like I understand it when professional footballers say they lose on Saturday and they basically can't do anything until Monday and yeah or don't want to do anything it's like it's like depression based off losing or.

Played Jack first time I was a little bit more quieter because I wanted to kind of get it right and focus on strategy and I found that was fascinating because I've had that um incident before where you're a little bit quieter less chatty before something happens if you're doing a public talk you're a little bit more like internal focus and you're less like friendly and chatty whereas when I um did the second game I was able to chat and stuff and.

Chatting doesn't like throw me off at the focus okay so yeah yeah and I think that's the ideal situation although when you're initially starting something you'll be like quiet in on yourself and you won't be able to like speak or like have much new information is the chat more of a social chat or is it like getting in someone's head like pretending that you've got some injuries so they go easy on you or say like poking them out on stuff it's also just.

People before then he needed to do a talk and he met a load of people taking all this information and having prop the conversations and then he was like right I just need a few minutes to run over my talking points before I do the talk so I was like cool he's able to do all this stuff and then he just needs that five minutes beforehand so I I I've done something similar where like I've done a talk and I need focus and I can't speak.

Fascinating but yeah the the decision to hold like um the disappointment or the kind of like the suffering of that moment I remember somebody saying that they allowed 24 hours you can be sad for 24 hours after that 24 hours I think it was like in one of those American football documentaries 24 hours you can be like sad about stuff but then after the 24 hours right we get back and train so that's like another thing of like a.

And deciding on to focus something so rather than elongating the suffering of like meditating and thinking about that thing like just imagine a boss came in right now or a parent came in or your child came in to say how can I have help with this or can you do this right now you would literally switch which means you have which means you have the ability to switch that was from a podcast I was listening to um two hour long podcast but yeah so um.

Through aggressive nature of disappointment through a squash game you might be on the opposite side of Fury rage and anger so um I I jokingly put it down as a as a topic saying putting a lid on pure anger and caring uh putting a lid on pure rage and caring through anger and Dan said yeah let's talk about that today so that is the segment of today um I will talk about my little pieces um I did a course.

Because I felt like it would be useful for me as I felt like I was wrestling with understanding what my heart was saying to my body and head as I'm a quite logical person I knew something was happening subconsciously so I thought I'd explore through doing a course learning a bit more and then sort of yeah sifting through my heart emotions to understand what might be going on deeper and as I've been connecting my heart back to my body and.

Through punching people or um yelling at someone's side never tried to explode that angle frustration onto people a lot of the time I Channel it into I'd get frustrated that let's say I've I've lost the ball against someone in football or hockey and I'll basically chase them down and and exert that anger through my legs and class it as a new source of energy um which would feel amazing um but right at the moment I've only just started to get back into sport but.

Was very handy to do Sport and then afterwards you would then simmer down to realize oh I was angry because actually there's been a buildup of dot like frustration at school or whatever um so yeah so we're talking about anger and how we deal with it what's our thoughts on it um trying to be caring not only to others but also to ourselves when we get angry um but yeah so what's your thoughts on that I think again from this podcast I was.

Basically in life always kind of revert back or kind of come back to to that state when it comes to anger um anger is just literally pure energy as Tom said you can either use that energy to punch somebody in the face or take a chunk out of the ground while playing golf or change the world with it right it's it's a choice to do that and I think again when it comes down to secondary emotions and things there's.

And then hitting out like physical outlash of something would be like the lowest of the low so it is in there it's just whether or not you get to it or not depending on the level of like the worst version of yourself as a degree whereas some other people have your first level of Shadow Self is bang the table or something whereas they would never ever ever think to say some like cutting remark about somebody you know and I.

Tom said it's like figuring out why and I think a lot of the time um you typically push it down because there is no positive way or you you don't think there's a positive way because people assume that fighting is the way to get out anger right fighting um in a physical sense rather than fighting for for example you know writing a piece of policy or writing an email to somebody like from a um legal perspective or a Justice.

I could be like Oh I'm angry because I value fairness so if you can kind of go past that initial piece of energy to be like the emotional thing or the principle behind that energy it's more like reassuring um that that's the the case and then you can start working with it and Reckoning with it to be like cool if I value fairness then maybe I should just speak up for people more when I see something happening maybe I should speak up more.

Fascinating observation yeah I think it's reminded me of a social post I saw this week and it was basically something that garyvee's done is be friends and he's created created Created different characters and one of them is a decisive duck and basically the point of this duck is a little cartoon um and the point is do a decision and then you live with it you either learn that you've done something bad so then take it onto your future or you.

It's like what could an action be and be decisive in it that it might not be the best decision but you can basically forgive afterwards say sorry um learn about the other person or learn about yourself and sometimes it is just going actually I'm going to try and do this a bit different because actually sometimes you carry that weight of I didn't do anything and I'm angry and I'm frustrated and now I've got shame now I've got guilt and then you feel even.

And staying in in the the positive nature because we can't always do that I think life is a roller coaster you'll have both so it's learning with coping mechanisms of how do you deal with both actually we're living through um different forms of Crisis so we might be on the spectrum of being in the negative and might be more frustrated more Angry than ever but it's like okay what does that look like for my my personal life my.

Gain from it in the long run but yeah ultimately if if we frame anger as energy then how you dissipating that energy AKA using that energy out so it doesn't get stored up and build up in this sense of pressure um so is it the press-ups is it talking to somebody and inventing to be like this situation really annoyed me and angered me and then also re relive like re um kind of like going past the energy to be like what's the emotion is it.

Did as the first bit front load it and then we run the trailer I thought you're gonna pretend to be like let's laugh crazy and then we'll just put that at the front and then they'll be waiting all the way through it to be like when do they have a laugh at that massive great amazing that that should be a funny thing too unless you after three one two three I can't believe you've just done that I can't believe that.

We're playing in the 90s so um we appreciate you coming back every week and if you've not subscribed please do we really appreciate it and I think for this week's thumbnail uh Tom is going to be the uh um model and I think you should do a um your best Rage or anger face or you're annoyed gesticulation thing so then it can be framed inside of our um yeah I don't want it to be cocked out yeah the Hulk smash one or I'll give her.